刻骨铭心

有些伤口永远没办法癒合

Sick. Tired. Headache.

Day two of smoke-free & 4th day of jogging regiment!

Having this really bad gastric and a bad flu. Half of my nose is block. Am on full shift tml. Cut my hand for the second consecutive day. Argh! I need to stay healthy! Jogged three rounds today. Almost died. Got nagged and I need to skip it tml. Sigh.

Sneezing nonstop, my nose is running nonstop. I am fucking hungry. Yet there's nth I can do about it. I jus wish at this time at least somebody could giv a fuck about it. Or at least buy me smth call food. Instead of trash like cup noodle from 7-elevens. Do not get that pls. You're gonna regret your guts out. Why do I keep seeing your limitations? Sometimes I feel I'm jus hard to pls but at other times it's jus disappointment after disappointment.

Out of breath, gave up jus after two rounds. My nose is running, I'm having a stitch on the left side of my waist. And it's only the third day. Omg. When will it ever hit eight full weeks.

God, I hate myself.

I am gg to die. Probably just finish a 20 mins jog and 40 sit ups and I'm like a dead bird. Omg. I'm getting horrendous. That's equivalent to nth done at all during my sch days. I totally deserve to get fat. Blame me for my procrastination. And now I'm regretting cause I hav to work double hard just to get rid of the tummy.

Been trying my best to jus be good enough. Enough spinning. Quit supper. I need a listener so bad now.

The only off day for this month flew by jus like that. My legs are tired though. Stiff to the max. I'm looking forward to realizing my jogging regiments!! Pls do not rain tml!!!

On second thought, I should probably lock up the post. I most probably wanted to be you as much as you wanted to be me. So save the envy.

I'd still question myself over and over again.

So sick of you pretending
So sick of the tension
So sick of the politics
Why do humans hav to be so complicated everywhere?

幸福就好，开心就好

Life is never ending of acceptance of risks. We fall but we are willing to try again and again. At the end of it, we hope to find smth worth risking for.

A lifetime of happiness

Accept me at my worse and my best or leave me at my worse and not get any of my best. Fyi, I'm willing to weather any kinds of hardships, as long as you vow your faith and your heart for they're priceless and that they could be so much more precious than jus pennies and golds.

Homeless, helpless.

When you're force to hang out till late, its jus pathetic. I really enjoy home alone by the way. And yet there are jus times when you're helpless to certain situations. There's just absolute no sense of belonging wherever I'm at.

Jus not it

Not being exactly at the most comfy situation, sharing a room with lights off and extreme silence, there's barely you can do especially with no wireless connection and the electric source meters away feels like your limps are broken into two. How can I ever make my nights go quickly? Which is why I sneaked out every night after work no matter how tired I am jus hoping time could fly faster.

And right now, it's but only the beginning.. And I'm alr feeling tired out.. Shunning myself away from all the dislikes and hates. It's tough, we probably needed a lot more time than we think we need. I jus don't know how the majority deals with it. I'm weak yeah I know. I jus don't find the need to put myself through the same cycles of liking something that I'd never like or pleasing somebody against my will, I probably am still living in a world jus on own. You don't necessary hav to see it my way nor go my way. Cause I wouldn't. My stomach is in a mess. And I'm on the bloody diarrhoea cycle again. Fml.

Be realistic to the people who are realistic to you. Especially those who are jus making use of you. Money should be the most important thing in the world. Get that in.

When my life gets harder to comprehend

Tonight, I try all over again jus to get myself to go to slp. I am tired. In fact never been this tired. Yet I find myself coaxing myself every night jus to rest for that mere few hours. And a long day begins again tml. It has become a routine so much so that it numbs me. What awaits me? What does life has for me? I look so haggard that everyone compliments my mom of looking like my sis which even sometimes I do feel that way too. Happy birthday mom. I hope this is the life you've been hoping for. I hope you're genuinely happy for all that you've got now. I'm never having kids. Cause I don't even know what's worth fighting for. Much less educating them. I hate the thought of bringing them up without the knowledge nor the financial foundation, you're basically making their life as pathetic as yours.

I can't slp. That's bad. That's really bad.

Sometimes, I'll still wonder if this is what I really want.

Stop freaking telling me how 'nice' she is

Almost got pissed off to the brim. But got so much better after I channelled it all out. Thank god for you, my emotional support. If not I would hav started yelling it on the social network channel to get it across to her! what a moron! gave it away without my permission yet still not a sign of remorse! jus how many freaking times do you hav to do charity on my behalf!?

我好想念我家。。

For all the superficials &materialist

When I needed help, it was always my friends who were the ones lending a helping hand. Jus everyone but the closest. But when the closest needed help, I was always there. There's a difference when you're able to help but you refuse to help to situations whereby you want to help but it's beyond your capability. Today got me thinking again when I seek help, the times when my mom needed it so badly but we were refused help. And how we didn't necessarily hav to help some people but my mom did it for me. Now then I realize, some patience and help will never be appreciated and cherish cause they took so much for granted like we're 'suppose' to help. So much so that it irks me for the fact that I don't necessary hav to go the way you want it to. Get it? The saddest people in life is when they let go of their present, thinking that they were capturing the best of their future but not knowing that they already let go of the best. Time will prove that we will not jus stay put at a certain spot but we will improve and move on to become a better somebody. Never judge nor underestimate anybody. You never know how far they could go. I believe in you<3

Self reflection

We hardly get to meet someone that we feel right about one another. But sometimes we tend to waiver due to the circumstances and the situations that we're in. There's jus too much storms to weather tgt to stay tgt. And the best part is, we can't suffer much setbacks nor disappointments. And in most scenarios, we've suffered enough previously to want to surrender ourselves to hardships again. For myself, it moulded me into somebody else. Somebody with less confidence, self-esteem and patience. And I think that it's so unfair now for that somebody who deserves a much fairer treatment. It jus suck to not be able to go back to be the person whom I used to be.

Work work work!

Working full shift on weekend again! Good morning people!!

Last night

I'm gonna miss my comfy space, my comfy bed

No matter how hard you try, some facts will always remain unchanged. The kind of trust and reliance are smths that I can never seem to find. Nothing could nor possibly change my perspective. The lessons learnt were harsh.

My teeth is aching like mad. I'm gg crazy cause my gastric dropped by as well. I'm moving out in a couple of days. I'm gonna miss this place so bad. Every bit of it. It's been a long thirteen years stay. We started out from nth to all that we've got. And now we're leaving. Leaving behind most of it. We're embarking on a brand new beginning. There's so much more that I wana share but then my mind jus went blank in a split second. That's all for now folks.

When you're super duper hungry but yet you can't eat any solid food. The feeling suck ttm!

Jus dropped wifey at her office. Hello and good morning. Checked out from MBS. Loving the days where i could wake up to the most scenic view from the top. Its jus too memorable. Currently on the eleventh set out of the forty five available set of aligners. The only turn off thing that I had to go through this morning. It's heavy showers at hougang. After enjoying a wonderful full off day, it's back to slog your ass out at work. Sigh.

Enjoying the moment

At MBS with my 老婆! Thanks to everyone who came and made the night so fun!! Life's all about cherishing the moment:) Happy first baby<3

I get cramps with my fingers so often these days. sometimes my toes too. my feet gets numb every single day. I am super shagged but yet I jus can't slp every night. what exactly is wrong with me? i am probably beyond hope. even the slightest emotions behind those facade should go unnotice.

Slept at probably 2.50 and jm wide awake now. Full shift in a while. Fml.

When you&apos;ve been on your own for the longest time

I never knew it could be harder than I thought. I'm currently at the carpark but jus takes so much more to drag myself up. Is it me? That I'm hard to please? But I'm not. I jus feel uneasy. I jus rather slp in the car.

I'm coughing so badly that I can hardly breathe much less slp. And I hav to be up at 630 tml. Thank you so much. It's consecutively 3 full shift days. How nice.

33 days to homeless

It's 11. And I'm only on the bus to the train station. I've got too much time for myself lately that I've decided to work full shift everyday from now on. It's getting bored around here. I probably won't be back till sometime later. I'll see you guys around:)

Sometimes I wish I could jus let it all out. Empty vessels make the most noise. Don't jus keep talking, prove it.

Finally done with my stocktake. The bugger really driving me nuts with her attitude. Tons to do after closing. Shd I stay over tonight? Been working since 730 this morning. Jus had my lunch cum breakfast not long ago. And in another half an hour's time, gonna welcome the dinner crowd with open arms. My life is wonderful.... So not. And I gotta move all my stuff over by the end of next week. Big headache this mth. Very well done. I spent my everyday working and working and working. The saddest thing is I've only got two off days in a mth:( At this rate, I'll hit 30 before reality even sets in.

Saturday morning

On the way to work, good morning everyone:)

I'm telling myself everyday that I'm not tired.

Some things are jus not right

Having trouble uploading all the pictures. Seriously. The connection's damn bad. I'm having difficulty falling asleep again. And I hav no idea why. I should be able to slp with the help of alcohol. I think I over-relied on it somehow. But still, it got better as I relied on pills to slp for the last couple of months. Jus had an awesome blast fun on stepdad's birthday celebration. I wish birthdays could happen every single day. I wish my birthday was everyday. My mom had her fair share of fun too. Tonight's gonna be yet another long night. I can't seem to come out with the correct words to fill in the blanks. My emotions are contradicting. They are so messy I don't know. I wish somebody could tell me the things I want to know.

A leap year

I hav difficulty falling aslp every night. It's 6 and my stomach is topsy turby again. I hav so much to do tml :/

Totally deserve it

Went crazy cause I jus couldn't get things right. Alignments, format, jus reminiscing the stupid moments.
Number two, have yet to figure out my Mac. Jus really gg crazy.

Dinner, no?

I feel like eating prawn mee from Adam's hawker. I got so sick of eating bread and cup noodles. Life's a bitch. Been skipping breakfast and dinner for the past week. I'm jus too physically drained to even wana think what to hav for dinner.i think I've only had a couple of hours of slp for the last two days?? -.-
On a brighter note, finally got myself my MacBook!! And my Lumix camera! Awesome max!!

My every Sunday

I have one and a half hr to go before I head to work. Am still deciding if I shd nap or jus stay up throughout. I'm really afraid of oversleeping but at the same time I'm god damn tired. Jus only had two hours of slp yst night. Dolly was awesome fun as usual with the most comfy companion. But my gastric had to act up at the wrong timing. So now I'm staring into space. Still in hesitation. Shd I slp or not?

Feb 2012

Exactly 5 months to my 23rd. Im on my way to dolly to meet my girls in my pajamas. Super lazy to get hm to change its gg 1. And i only slept for two hours last night. After a tower, I'm dead beat right now. But jus really can't resist partying with my girls in 3/4 pants, a normal top and flats. I love you girls. Thanks for your ever-presence which prevented my loneliness every night <3

Traveling diary

My next goal in life, travel around the world!
Japan &korea would be my next stop follow by phuket, rendang, langkawi, krabi, tioman.
And then Vietnam, before I fly off to the European countries!
Cannot wait to share with you guys my traveling diaries! Probably would cleared most of them by end of next year:)

Hello, haven't had the time to do up a proper post on my trip. And yes I'm still very lazy to do so. I guess i'll jus push it back indefinitely. No empty words made right? I've been having all sorts of cravings since I'm back.
Sushi jiro
Rajah inn
Prata Bom
Pizzahut
Jumbo seafood
Chippy
Chicken rice
Prawn mee
Lor mee
Laksa
Wanton mee
Salted egg crab
But because I hav no car now. Couldn't get any of it satisfy. Sigh.

I CANNOT WAIT!!

Less than 14 hours to my flight! And I'm still packing! Arggg!! I cannot make up my mind how many bottoms to grab along with me? A part of me scare that it's too much, &a part of me am afraid is too little! And I'm sure that I'll definitely overspend la! Taiwan baby! No wait! Aiyaa I don't know what I'm talking about either! Still have to head down to hg to grab my mon's credit card! So leh jey! Jacket 1? 2? Or 3? Lol!! I'm gonna dress casual la! And the best part is my luggage is wayyyy too small for the 6 days trip!! And ehhhh.. don't really wana over elaborate on my fb status for now ah. Don't gossip and kpo ok people! Thanks for being so supportive, my dollies who camped and commented all morning since yst night! God! I slept at 5 last night but woke up at 7 plus 8 cause my phone notifications tones kept going on and on! This is the exact scenario I'm talking about when I forgot to turn on the silent mode! Ok enough whining!! I'll blog when im back! Baby coming over to keep me company cause our flight at 7! And we hav to be there by 5! Booooo! No overslp-ing! But I don't think I can slp tonight! Lol! For you baby, <3<3<3 I know you'll be reading this right infront of me again!!

Core values

Jus booked the tickets for my Taiwan trip next week, flying off on vday. It adds on to my list of impromptu trips and the list goes on. Today, will probably be one of those days that will forever be etched in my heart. Those wounds inflicted, those memories tt I walked over, every single one of them I will always remember them. I sincerely wish the best for each and everyone of you. The time has come, and having came this far, even though I'm setting my foot on a different path with a heavy heart but I'm anticipating my future. With new dreams, comes new hope.

Topsy turby

Hit with a sudden dizzy spells on the way hm. Took an hour to get hm from town, puking along the way. The journey hm was tough and horrendous. But thank god I made it hm. I shd really consider stop driving when I'm sick. Lady luck ain't gonna shine on me every single time and I'm jus playing with chances. Anyway I'm feeling much much better. Showered and pack some stuff. I'm jus waiting my hair to air dry before I hit the sacks. And omg! I'm gg Taiwan next next week! Yep, I knw! Pretty last min! I'm excited max!! Been wanting to go back there years ago!! Hehehehe. My life is awesome max! Minus the illness! I'll be back! Sayonara!

Extreme ends.

Even if there isn't anybody for me to depend on, I still hope to be somebody that others could depend on. At least it has given me some meaning to push on. I'm upset with myself for falling sick. And it's been mother f long. I'm running out of patience. I can't slp every night, I cough to slp, wake up coughing. Enough is enough. It's time to stop. Really. I'm tired. And my tantrums are bitchy.

Transient

I'm still having my fears. It doesn't go away with time instead it multiplies with time. Shd I or shd I not? I keep questioning myself over and over again. What's real, what's not? What's temporary, what's permanent? If I get defeated by obstacles that easily, then its certainly not what I thought it is.

Never let anything bring me down

I'll be fine. My head is spinning. Omg. And I jus reached hg. Yep, tts about it.

Never-ending challenges

Not to forget, came home wanting to cook myself porridge cause I've had too much cup noodles for the past week to find out that my cooker has been shifted away also. Good job dad! Now I'm home alone, skipping my dinner and having these dizzy spells that are soo torturing! -.-

Getting ill like a superwoman

I'm always learning things through the harder way. Am currently down with a flu, sore throat and fever. Yet I still couldn't make up my mind if i were to drive home or to cab home. To add onto it, im even thinking of heading to hg. I'm in a disastrous state today. Messy hair, bare face. I hate falling sick. It jus reminds me everytime of how I only hav myself to rely on at the end of the day. Tts also a way of life telling me, you're jus doing fine and you'll keep getting better. Stronger and higher self-reliant. But of cos, we do once in a while yearn for some dependent. I do too. Afterall, I'm only human. But rejections of all concern and uncalled worries is one of my biggest forte too. My life is jus contradicting. I knw. But I'm still surviving:) and will always be surviving. Nth else is too huge for me to handle.

Jus another night.

My life is fantastic. Running nose with an empty stomach. Puked my guts out earlier on. Tell me about it la. I don't need anybody's sympathy so save it.

What do I do with myself?

Today's been tough. I had to make a decision over letting my frens down or putting my work down. I still favor work. Knowing I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself to the fullest, defeating the purpose of a getaway trip. Some thing must be gg very wrong in me. I can't explain nor describe the guilt in me towards whichever side tt I had to let down. Be it so, I've gt no time to wallow in self pity but to take it in my stride and to move on. I should probably date work instead of having frens or anything else. There's jus this much I could giv. And I feel so helpless whenever I'm standing at a crossroad. I guess my mom probably felt tt much earlier. I'm still having the shivers, yet I'm heading to hg. I jus don't wana keep letting my mom down. I get so sick and tired of myself really. In most days of the week, I tried not to think about it. I tried to think what could I hav achieve besides work? I couldn't think of any. Yet as much as what they said, I'm immensely into the work tt i hav now I begin to wonder what will happen to me the day tt I resign? I would probably lose the only motivation to move on in my life. And to add on to it, things hav to keep happening to waiver my determination. Why can't it jus be peaceful and smooth sailing? I don't need anything. Seriously. I would be most grateful if one day I could jus forget who I am.

我们都傻

There isn't any reason to accept gifts that came outta nowhere esp. when it's frm a nobody.
And I'm definitely not jus any girl on the street, gg gaga &creating a big hoo ha cause of it.

钱不是万能，他们都笑我傻 但钱买不到我的衷心 并且只会让我觉得你很蠢。时间才是唯一能遮盖所有的背叛与妄言的解药。

Home sweet home!

Jus done with my unpacking of my loots! Bought the most number of stuff! Frm clothes, to accessories, masks &biscuits to luggage bag etc! See! these are only from h&m! so much cheaper than the one at sing, irresistible!!



My right ear is still block frm the pressure earlier on. Sigh. I'm so tired physically and mentally but I still can't seem to get my mind to rest! Got myself my very own 'pak pak xiong' from ocean park!

The rides were fantastic! Challenged all three roller-coasters &the devil drop! I swear i wont hav the guts to try as i get older! Omg, i was horrified! Visuals will be up next week! Unglam max seriously! I still gave up on putting effort to look pretty or at the very least put on more makeup. I settled for the least again. Lazy spells fugly! Anyway, i still wish it didnt ended tt soon. Now its bac to disastrous reality which i hate it so very much, i wana stay in my lala land still! Alright, gotta continue packing and hit the sacks! Gotta be at hg tml morning! My life ain't tt perfect. Neither am I. Am jus numbing myself every single day. Fyi, Cny was awesome too! Won lots of money frm blackjack! Seems like ladyluck shd be shining on me this coming yr! No more burns and bruises frm accidents &falls pls!

Day 2

It's really really cold here. And I'm really really tired.

Hk 2012:)

Hello there! Am currently in Hong Kong! Same place, same people but with a total different feeling! It's freezing cold here but still, I loveee the weather! It's been two years yet I haven't seem to learn from the previous lesson. I'll talk more about it when I gt back am seriously dead tired! Goodnight world!

Cny 2012

I'm at hg, waiting for my mom to gt ready before heading down for our reunion dinner! I bet she's the happiest this cny! Dad gt her two sets of gold bracelet &necklaces! I gt her a LV bags jus in time for her to exhibit herself! O.o Can't wait for tml!! I'll be seeing the rest of the family tree! 新年快乐！恭喜发财！I'll be getting a new gift too!! Hehehehe!! This cny's gonna be one of the best ever! Am gg Hk with baby too!! Finally getting my craving of 奶油包 satisfied!

Jus to share, some things I'll nvr hav to go through them again

Trust?




Doesn't it hurt soo bad, finding out the one you've ever relied on to be there for you during your darkest days could actually hold another in his arms, kiss another with the lips you've kissed a thousand times before. Just feels like someone just suckerpunched you and the whole fucking ground just gives way. You kneel over and the dam just bursts, you're sobbing so uncontrollably. You cry like you've never cried before. Like you dont know whats happiness.. You ask yourself, what did you do to deserve this? How could he? It was supposed to be forever. Just you and him.. He cries and says it was nothing, you're the only one in his heart. Fuck that, fuck that shit. Those lips, i'll always imagine you kissing her.. I can't sleep at night, everytime I close my eyes I'm haunted by thoughts and images. He says he'll be there for me, understand the demons I have to fight everynight. He says he'll fight it with me.. how can he, when he's the one who set them upon me? Its not like I'm not trying. Oh how much I fight, for the sake of 2 beautiful years we spent together. I am this paranoid, bruised creature of what I used to be. This, this creature calls him a thousand times a day, wants to check every message, every text. This can't be me.. and he will never change. What trust? The very foundation our relationship was based one, has shattered. This will never be the same again.



I stayed true, he strayed.



Few months later, dust has settled but he haunts me in my dreams from time to time. Should've just packed up and left, shouldn't have stayed. Promised myself,I will never subject myself to such pain again.



This vile thing called love, it holds you a prisoner. Never again.


-Quoted from osf

无奈

理想与现实的差距，还是那么大。。虚伪，谎言、何时成为我做人的道理？好累。。真的。。好累。。说不出的无奈。。太多太多。。

The start of 2012

Knocking off from one work heading to another. Awesome NYE last night. Shall post pics up again later. Phone batt is dying! What a way to start a new yr! Haven't eaten anything since morning! I hope gastric doesn't comes knocking pls! Happy new year everyone! <3 This year will definitely be a good year for me!:))