What do I do with myself?

Today's been tough. I had to make a decision over letting my frens down or putting my work down. I still favor work. Knowing I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself to the fullest, defeating the purpose of a getaway trip. Some thing must be gg very wrong in me. I can't explain nor describe the guilt in me towards whichever side tt I had to let down. Be it so, I've gt no time to wallow in self pity but to take it in my stride and to move on. I should probably date work instead of having frens or anything else. There's jus this much I could giv. And I feel so helpless whenever I'm standing at a crossroad. I guess my mom probably felt tt much earlier. I'm still having the shivers, yet I'm heading to hg. I jus don't wana keep letting my mom down. I get so sick and tired of myself really. In most days of the week, I tried not to think about it. I tried to think what could I hav achieve besides work? I couldn't think of any. Yet as much as what they said, I'm immensely into the work tt i hav now I begin to wonder what will happen to me the day tt I resign? I would probably lose the only motivation to move on in my life. And to add on to it, things hav to keep happening to waiver my determination. Why can't it jus be peaceful and smooth sailing? I don't need anything. Seriously. I would be most grateful if one day I could jus forget who I am.

我们都傻

There isn't any reason to accept gifts that came outta nowhere esp. when it's frm a nobody.
And I'm definitely not jus any girl on the street, gg gaga &creating a big hoo ha cause of it.

钱不是万能，他们都笑我傻 但钱买不到我的衷心 并且只会让我觉得你很蠢。时间才是唯一能遮盖所有的背叛与妄言的解药。

Home sweet home!

Jus done with my unpacking of my loots! Bought the most number of stuff! Frm clothes, to accessories, masks &biscuits to luggage bag etc! See! these are only from h&m! so much cheaper than the one at sing, irresistible!!



My right ear is still block frm the pressure earlier on. Sigh. I'm so tired physically and mentally but I still can't seem to get my mind to rest! Got myself my very own 'pak pak xiong' from ocean park!

The rides were fantastic! Challenged all three roller-coasters &the devil drop! I swear i wont hav the guts to try as i get older! Omg, i was horrified! Visuals will be up next week! Unglam max seriously! I still gave up on putting effort to look pretty or at the very least put on more makeup. I settled for the least again. Lazy spells fugly! Anyway, i still wish it didnt ended tt soon. Now its bac to disastrous reality which i hate it so very much, i wana stay in my lala land still! Alright, gotta continue packing and hit the sacks! Gotta be at hg tml morning! My life ain't tt perfect. Neither am I. Am jus numbing myself every single day. Fyi, Cny was awesome too! Won lots of money frm blackjack! Seems like ladyluck shd be shining on me this coming yr! No more burns and bruises frm accidents &falls pls!

Day 2

It's really really cold here. And I'm really really tired.

Hk 2012:)

Hello there! Am currently in Hong Kong! Same place, same people but with a total different feeling! It's freezing cold here but still, I loveee the weather! It's been two years yet I haven't seem to learn from the previous lesson. I'll talk more about it when I gt back am seriously dead tired! Goodnight world!

Cny 2012

I'm at hg, waiting for my mom to gt ready before heading down for our reunion dinner! I bet she's the happiest this cny! Dad gt her two sets of gold bracelet &necklaces! I gt her a LV bags jus in time for her to exhibit herself! O.o Can't wait for tml!! I'll be seeing the rest of the family tree! 新年快乐！恭喜发财！I'll be getting a new gift too!! Hehehehe!! This cny's gonna be one of the best ever! Am gg Hk with baby too!! Finally getting my craving of 奶油包 satisfied!

Jus to share, some things I'll nvr hav to go through them again

Trust?




Doesn't it hurt soo bad, finding out the one you've ever relied on to be there for you during your darkest days could actually hold another in his arms, kiss another with the lips you've kissed a thousand times before. Just feels like someone just suckerpunched you and the whole fucking ground just gives way. You kneel over and the dam just bursts, you're sobbing so uncontrollably. You cry like you've never cried before. Like you dont know whats happiness.. You ask yourself, what did you do to deserve this? How could he? It was supposed to be forever. Just you and him.. He cries and says it was nothing, you're the only one in his heart. Fuck that, fuck that shit. Those lips, i'll always imagine you kissing her.. I can't sleep at night, everytime I close my eyes I'm haunted by thoughts and images. He says he'll be there for me, understand the demons I have to fight everynight. He says he'll fight it with me.. how can he, when he's the one who set them upon me? Its not like I'm not trying. Oh how much I fight, for the sake of 2 beautiful years we spent together. I am this paranoid, bruised creature of what I used to be. This, this creature calls him a thousand times a day, wants to check every message, every text. This can't be me.. and he will never change. What trust? The very foundation our relationship was based one, has shattered. This will never be the same again.



I stayed true, he strayed.



Few months later, dust has settled but he haunts me in my dreams from time to time. Should've just packed up and left, shouldn't have stayed. Promised myself,I will never subject myself to such pain again.



This vile thing called love, it holds you a prisoner. Never again.


-Quoted from osf

无奈

理想与现实的差距，还是那么大。。虚伪，谎言、何时成为我做人的道理？好累。。真的。。好累。。说不出的无奈。。太多太多。。

The start of 2012

Knocking off from one work heading to another. Awesome NYE last night. Shall post pics up again later. Phone batt is dying! What a way to start a new yr! Haven't eaten anything since morning! I hope gastric doesn't comes knocking pls! Happy new year everyone! <3 This year will definitely be a good year for me!:))