What do I do with myself?

Today's been tough. I had to make a decision over letting my frens down or putting my work down. I still favor work. Knowing I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself to the fullest, defeating the purpose of a getaway trip. Some thing must be gg very wrong in me. I can't explain nor describe the guilt in me towards whichever side tt I had to let down. Be it so, I've gt no time to wallow in self pity but to take it in my stride and to move on. I should probably date work instead of having frens or anything else. There's jus this much I could giv. And I feel so helpless whenever I'm standing at a crossroad. I guess my mom probably felt tt much earlier. I'm still having the shivers, yet I'm heading to hg. I jus don't wana keep letting my mom down. I get so sick and tired of myself really. In most days of the week, I tried not to think about it. I tried to think what could I hav achieve besides work? I couldn't think of any. Yet as much as what they said, I'm immensely into the work tt i hav now I begin to wonder what will happen to me the day tt I resign? I would probably lose the only motivation to move on in my life. And to add on to it, things hav to keep happening to waiver my determination. Why can't it jus be peaceful and smooth sailing? I don't need anything. Seriously. I would be most grateful if one day I could jus forget who I am.