because everyone jus feels like they can relate

How we can come from practically nothing to be able to have anything that we wanted. It's fucked up, ain't it? I wasn't taught hate but I learnt them. Twenty years later, the same reenactments.

Employee's perspective

You know how most of us had the common thinking of, 'whatever, its just a job, who cares if the sales is going up or down, it doesn't affect our pay anyway' or something like 'the boss will settle it, my job scope doesn't include clearing shit for the boss anyway'..

I really would like to dedicate this post to the all commoner folks whom are watching this space. I get many criticisms for my high expectations from my staffs to be eighty percent efficient in their productivity. I am not as understanding and tolerating as my mom who will come up with a bunch of excuses to convince herself that yes it is okay for people to make mistakes. My bottom line is, you can make mistakes but not repetitive stupid ridiculous mistakes. By saying so, let me give you a rough explanation of the scenario.

If you are responsible in your work, you don't expect people to give you a complete set of full detailed specifications of what you should be doing, instead prove yourself by always going the extra mile. If your boss says, can you please clean up the table, you don't just clean the table. You got the extra mile to check every possible table that might need to be cleaned.

Number two, finding excuses for your own mistakes. You know yourself best. If you ain't a meticulous person then work doubly hard to minimize the chance of you making a mistake. Don't find excuses to justify your actions. Don't start whining on how little sleep you had the previous night, on how rough your previous night had been after a huge fight with I-don't-wana-know-who or can't I make a mistake? Mistakes doesn't usually go with the number one. Of course you can. Everyone can. But the point is, can I deduct your salary base on your performance at work? HELL NO RIGHT! Don't start complaining about how tough the work is, how you worked so hard like everyone else are good-for-nothings. The successors always says, with huge amount of gifts comes with a huge amount of price! You don't pay the price alone, its teamwork and you most definitely didn't pay a larger amount of price than the people around you. Be grateful. Grateful for this opportunity. Thankful for this chance. Without it, you might still be messed up in a pit-hole full of shit!

I hate seeing people taking my mom for granted. Like she is supposed to be angelic in every way! HELL NO! She treated everybody the right way. If God has to blame someone for the wrong things, let it be me! I am so sick and tired of facing people who keeps giving me the I-did-a lot-for-your-shop-face. I am not in the least interested. You know why? Cause these people keep making repetitive absurd mistakes expecting me to be thoughtful still. You just don't know how your flaws kept overshadowing your strengths.

I am not in the least perfect. If there is one word to describe me, there would definitely be fucked up. I am fucked up. I am loud, rude, crude, ill-mannered, I have no sense of responsibility, unforgiving. I behave like a uneducated bitch, yelling and screaming at my staff and customer but I am not in the least remorseful whenever I fucked a customer or my staff upside down. I faced everyday with a hope-to-die heart. I am never afraid of people telling me they ain't ever patronizing my shop no more. I secretly hope all the gao je, yim chim, pai hock sai people can burn in hell. I hate my mom telling me be nice and patient to people. I am sorry, if you are really nice I will be nice. If you pretend to be nice, or trying to be hiao bai jus becos you are zoe tay's husband whoever YOU-KNOW-WHO, or you hav a couple of pennies in your pocket driving a mercedes, whatever, I don't give a fuck. I am not in the least interested. The richest people are the actually the most humble people and normally they do not flaunt their wealth and they will never despise people with a humble background. Only the mid-class does.

And the reason for this wordy post, I hate to say that it sucks to be me. Sucks to be expected to live up to a iconic angelic mom, we are worlds apart fyi. I wonder if they have emotional classes for business management. How do those second generations ever step up to take up the chair? To overtake their ancestors achievements? Or maybe they never could. I am so so sooooooo looking forward to my changes at the end of 2014. Will I be able to step up to the challenge or forever be casted in the stale position of second generations? I am most definitely going for anger management classes. I seriously need to start learning to contain my emotions before it clouds my judgement.

p/s: If you are a friend, I hope you read this objectively, if you ain't fuck off from this space.

2014, surprise me.

2013 saw me going through a transition. Gave up my only hope of being normal again. I quit making plans for myself instead started cheating myself over and over each day. I lived in denial, made up a whole bunch of absurd excuses to justify my doings just so I could breathe everyday. But ironically, the past year had been the most rewarding year despite the lost morale, the lack of motivation, the most inefficient, unproductive year. I bought myself a new ride, went for lasik, got my braces removed, travelled every single month of the year, found new cities which I've fallen in love with, got myself a crazy amount of presents from all the cities that I've conquered. Life fails me sometimes, brought me many wonders too but it jus didn't make my dream come true. For once, 2014, I hope you can even if its just for a day, help me unload all that guilt I bottle inside of me.

Fuck you if you ever for one second thinks that customers are the kings.

I realized I probably need to just let it all out before I could rest my mind. Ever since we had this shop going, this occupation that I had, I've been losing slp. I spent so many nights trying to figure out whats going through the minds of all these absurd and ridiculous individuals. We get money thrown at our faces, customers hurling vulgarities at us when we simply jus ask them to queue politely. What have the world became? Singapore? A city full of crappy, arrogant, self-centred idiots. Uncivilized bunch of fools. I don't understand their logic. Simply cause you are the purchaser, does that place us in the position of pathetic beggars? I get people telling me, 'oh, i'm gonna publicize on the net, the newspaper. I'm gonna complain to the relevant governmental institution for your bad service.' Come on... In this modern era, no one fears bad publicity. Not everybody, at least not for us. I'm not from a major enterprise. I don't owe people a living. And I jolly well don't think I need to endure the humiliation that I've been going through 365 days every year just to have everything that I own now. They say to always look at things in your stride, it will be easier to overcome the rough days. But you have no idea how rough the tides get when the storm hits. I'd be dealing with a couple of idiots through a long day of work, plus a couple of burns and scratches. Then the heat, and the never-ending tries to live up to someone's sky high expectations and to be always tipping on my toes watching everybody's moves in the case of operation hiccups. Its a scary cycle. It goes on 24/7. They never knew what its like to be in my shoes. I hated my life. Hated my work. Hated the pressure, the comparisons, the whatever I do is bullshit. Most adored my life. They envy all that I had. Yeah, sometimes. It gets overwhelming. To be able to buy anything, and everything. Its a joy to be able to travel every single month. But it also comes with a hefty price to pay at the end of the day. Yes I am complaining. Never been this frustrated. These idiots that I see everyday, fuck you seriously. If its all that bad, I'm pleading you to never come ever. The best damn thing is despite all the complains, nasty comments, fuck up behavior, they ALWAYS come back at the end of the day, these fuck faces.

I spent a very long time trying to heal myself. Convinced I was on the road to recovery, I set foot to see the world. To see how others were desperately trying to live. How we were all fighting for the same reasons. I needed a reason. A reason to live on. A reason to press on..

Hav you ever felt like you don't belong? No matter what you did, no matter where you go, there's no place that you belong to. Even after trying multiple times, you jus don't fit in. The pieces of puzzle were lost that very day..

Here we go again

Blame it on myself. I'd never blame anyone else. To even for one second thought I was wiser. Doesn't matter anymore. I shouldn't and I shouldn't had taken the first step, now I got myself all messed up inside. Tonight I feel exceptionally depressed. Can't help but feel like I'm balling in all over again. It felt right but I guess I was wrong.

Ain't never gonna let another bring me down

I try as much as i can to keep my distance. I still have yet to mend the broken pieces. I trust too easily, I relied on just anyone I feel comfortable with too quickly. That resulted in shattered hopes, empty beliefs, broken dreams. Tonight its yet another self reminder, to not trust, and to never rely on nobody. ever again.

Cursed ego.

I'm short, plump, pessimist with a wrinkled face, huge nose, big face, short hands &legs.
I'm not feeling inferior.
I'm just me.
I like how my lips are torn, my feets & hands that are scarred and the bruises on my ass.
I'm not perfect, neither am I sociable.
I never like running outta my comfort zone.
They call me a freak. Or ajumma at times.
I like it better.
I have no expectations of life cause it fails me everytime.
& I'm bloody sick of the boring lies.
So where does that leave me?
I don't know. Perhaps you can tell me?
Its just the way that I am now; too broken inside.

This is how we say goodbye. At least for me.

You were my sun. You were my rain. I swore by my undying love. I remember everything you claimed. But now, its all just a shame. Two much. Too much. I'm too damaged. I know how perfectly imbalance my world has became. It's ok with the lonely nights, I'm alright fighting on my own. Rumors spreading. Everybody's laughing. Its ok. There's no victory, there's no defeat. Just a game of deceit. Cause all I ever wanted was to just walk away. Walk away..

LEZZ BURN THE ROOF DOWN

I'm thinking of all the possibilities. I picture the future so frequent these days I got lost in these illusions.
They tell me I'm thinking bad. All the worst scenarios, I had them up in my mind.
I shouldn't lose hope. I shouldn't lose faith. I'm not crazy. I'm just a little sick in the head:)

To top it off, lezz play the fav off my playlist.

Music cures me. It stops my world from crushing. Though I'm not even sure what my beliefs are now.
Nothing could get me back on the tracks yet there's nothing that could get me down either! But I know I'm happy like that! The best has yet to come!

LEZZ WELCOME JULY, DOLLS! BALI, HERE WE GOOOO!

刻骨铭心

有些伤口永远没办法癒合

Sick. Tired. Headache.

Day two of smoke-free & 4th day of jogging regiment!

Having this really bad gastric and a bad flu. Half of my nose is block. Am on full shift tml. Cut my hand for the second consecutive day. Argh! I need to stay healthy! Jogged three rounds today. Almost died. Got nagged and I need to skip it tml. Sigh.

Sneezing nonstop, my nose is running nonstop. I am fucking hungry. Yet there's nth I can do about it. I jus wish at this time at least somebody could giv a fuck about it. Or at least buy me smth call food. Instead of trash like cup noodle from 7-elevens. Do not get that pls. You're gonna regret your guts out. Why do I keep seeing your limitations? Sometimes I feel I'm jus hard to pls but at other times it's jus disappointment after disappointment.

Out of breath, gave up jus after two rounds. My nose is running, I'm having a stitch on the left side of my waist. And it's only the third day. Omg. When will it ever hit eight full weeks.

God, I hate myself.

I am gg to die. Probably just finish a 20 mins jog and 40 sit ups and I'm like a dead bird. Omg. I'm getting horrendous. That's equivalent to nth done at all during my sch days. I totally deserve to get fat. Blame me for my procrastination. And now I'm regretting cause I hav to work double hard just to get rid of the tummy.

Been trying my best to jus be good enough. Enough spinning. Quit supper. I need a listener so bad now.

The only off day for this month flew by jus like that. My legs are tired though. Stiff to the max. I'm looking forward to realizing my jogging regiments!! Pls do not rain tml!!!

On second thought, I should probably lock up the post. I most probably wanted to be you as much as you wanted to be me. So save the envy.